Why Willpower Isn’t the Answer (and What Works Instead)

Ever wonder why you started a project with the best intentions, only to find your motivation mysteriously vanish a few days later? 

Many of us assume that if we could just try harder or push through, we'd finally get organized, stay focused, and follow through. But here's the truth: willpower is a limited resource. 

Psychologists call it ego depletion—the idea that your willpower gets used throughout the day. Each decision, temptation, or moment of self-control draws from the same tank. When you finally face that pile of papers or try to start the project you've been putting off, your tank might already be running on empty. 

And if you have ADHD, anxiety, or executive functioning challenges, it's even more complicated. Your brain is working overtime to manage things like time awareness, prioritization, and emotional regulation—all of which tap into the same limited energy source. This isn't about laziness. If you've been asking yourself, "Why can't I just do it?"—the answer may be: you're running on fumes. 

What's More Powerful Than Willpower? Habits. 

Habits run on autopilot. They don't ask you to decide or push through. You just do them. That's why building systems and routines is more powerful—and sustainable—than relying on grit alone. 

In her book How to Change, award-winning behavioral scientist Katy Milkman outlines five strategies to help form lasting habits that don't rely on willpower, including: 

• Temptation bundling (pairing something enjoyable with something you avoid) 

• Commitment devices (creating boundaries to keep your future self on track) 

• Fresh starts (using natural transitions like a new month or season to reset) 

When you work with a coach, these strategies become simple, customized actions that work with your brain, not against it. You also get a built-in accountability system, so you don't have to do it all alone. 

If you've been blaming yourself for "not trying hard enough," maybe it's time to stop trying harder—and start trying differently.